//
you're reading...
Uncategorized

The Tortured Soul Part I – Staring Fear in the Face

GOD! Help me please! I can’t get out…I can’t get away. Please! Why would God listen to me? I don’t talk to Him. Why would he help me now? He didn’t save grandmother who served Him forever. Does HE even know what’s happening to me right now? Oh my GOD! Please…Please…save me!

 

I couldn’t scream. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t see. But something came over me, a strength I can’t describe that gave me the opportunity to push my way free and run, run, run through the darkness of night. Tree branches scratching my face, my arms, my legs…run, just run! I continued to tell myself to run. I knew that I would see street lights soon. The highway has to be close. I can hear the cars. Are those cars? Oh…I hope I’m running in the right direction. North, South, North Star…I don’t camp! Where the hell am I?! HEY UP THERE!! DO YOU HEAR ME?! NOW WHAT DO I DO?!!

 

Overcome with tears and wandering  through woods I found myself crawling onto a sidewalk. You’ve got to be kidding me…Alafaya Trail? The busiest street on the east side of town and not a car in sight! It’s the middle of the night, how can the street lights NOT be on?!  Darkness, too much darkness.

 

They left me…my so called friends left with a car full of people and convinced me that he would take me home. “I’m going that way” he says. I’m going that way sure…” Wait!! But…this is the wrong way. He’s going the wrong way

 

Where once was light now darkness falls

Where once was love, love is no more

Don’t say goodbye, don’t say, I didn’t try

 

These tears we cry are falling rain

For all the lies you told us, the hurt, the blame

And we will wait to be so alone

We are lost, we can never go home

 

So in the end I’ll be what I will be

No loyal friend was ever there for me

Now we say goodbye, we say you didn’t try

 

These tears you cry have come too late

take back the lies, the hurt, the blame

And you will weep when you face the end alone

You are lost, you can never go home

You are lost, you can never go home –Emiliana Torrini

 

 

GOD? ARE YOU PLAYING WITH ME UP THERE? Well its not funny…

 

I have to get away. I need to get help. Where do I go? What do I do? I don’t know what to do…

Pull it together Candi. You know this apartment complex across the street. Just get across the street. They will help me…if they’re even home. Please be home!

 

Flashbacks are like reliving something over and over again. The worst fear, the worst pain

I’ve ever dealt with and it tortures me every time I walk into a dark room, see a dark forest… the

past has control of my life. How do I get it back? When will the fear go away? How am I going to stare it in the face? I can’t get it out of my mind,  I never will…I will never speak of it again. Silence speaks louder than words. So don’t speak…

 

I have been brought face to face with death. Now who will rescue me from this body undergoing death? My innocence was stolen, I have no strength, what little faith I had is gone.

 

I am going to die right here, right now if he finds me.  And FEAR, yes you FEAR, I’m talking to you: You did this to me.

 

But GOD…Jehovah God you saved me

 

(2 Corinthians 4:7-10) . . .the power beyond what is normal may be God’s and not that out of ourselves. 8 We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement; we are perplexed, but not absolutely with no way out; 9 we are persecuted, but not left in the lurch; we are thrown down, but not destroyed. 10 Always we endure. . .

 

I endured. Yes I endured and I continue to endure this constant fear that is torturing my soul.

 

Advertisements

About candilish79

I am a 31 year old novice writer. My writing is filled with emotion, pain, turmoil, conquering and overcoming the daily strains that life throws at us. I relate to you my own experiences and others have related their experiences on how they have handled difficult times in their life. My goal is working to finish my first book that has been allowing me to "Reinvent Myself"

Discussion

One thought on “The Tortured Soul Part I – Staring Fear in the Face

  1. Interestingly enough, I know the deepness that embraces this blog all too well. When you lose someone close to you…you lose so much of yourself. I feel the pain in this….the deepness

    Posted by charise | June 19, 2011, 3:53 am

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: