Let’s Come On into Focus

OK this is a question that I was working on for the Mark Allender page but it turned into a telenovela…it’s just too much to separate the he said/she said.

But what I found interesting is the dynamic of the interaction and how farfetched both parties were off. Brother sends me a message and asks me about a sister. Just to see if she is ok. I’m not sure at this point what is going on because he said “she just cut all contact”.

FB-Male words: “I was wondering if she is doing alright. We kinda had the start of a friendship, but then she just wrote me off and broke off all communication. I am ok with it, maybe a little hurt, but not scorned, angry or anything. I just got a weird feeling that she wasn’t ok.”

OK there was some kind of vibe going on apparently….

FB-Female words: “OMG he needs to drop it already and leave me alone!!!! he is never goona get the point, whole reason I had to unfriend him …he is grossly obsessed with me” — WHOA?! Moving on

Her point….COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE….but here’s a bit of a hook. She is a flirt. She does not know it. But she is. So she may have given mixed signals to him to some degree I’m sure. She’s done it to ppl that I’ve been interested in and I backed off because she was soooooo forward where she shouldn’t have been but I didn’t hold it against her or put her in check because its just as much his fault as it is hers. I just now know where to keep my distance. But that I’ll address later.

Now what tossed me for a loop was his response: FB-Male says: I just didn’t want to be a pest or ‘that guy who doesn’t get the hint’. I used to be very different many years ago when I was young. I cannot and will not ever be that person again. That is why, I just cut ties with “FBFemale” completely. I felt it was for the best all around.

NOW this is AFTER she had already unfriended and blocked HIM. I have the time line so I know. And he asked ME why did SHE cut ties with him. Delusions of grandeur? Who cut who?( I cut you) self preservation if it made you feel better.

One party felt the other was giving mixed signals, the other says he didn’t get the point. But what was HER point? What’s HIS? Both parties were getting a signal…but was it wrong because ONE was not interested? Was it mixed because ONE didn’t reciprocate?

When are we going to focus on being adults? Adults with no reservations to say:” Me and you aren’t going to happen. You’re not my type. OR…You might be my type but I’m not sure I even wanna take the chance to find out. But let’s just make out till we figure something out yea?!” NOOO

Both male and female alike have feelings; Deep hearted crushing feelings. No matter the front we put on, no matter how many times we say I’m just going to stay single forever and then I won’t get hurt….hahaha what a laugh! We can say a cutting remark to degrade one another to make ourselves feel better, we can say there’s no “quality”… Have we forgotten that quickly that it’s God that drew us to his organization? If HE thinks we’re worthy enough, that we have the quality to be called his servants shouldn’t we; imperfect or defected; have enough quality to share our imperfection with someone? Hmm?

So when did our signals get crossed? When did we really start giving mixed signals? We’re purposely hurting each other. We’re purposely turning each other into “damaged goods”. How many people are you going to flirt with and hurt all at the same time? A collective damaging…kill 187 birds with one stone because I’ll have 87 more “So and so is now friends with____” in a matter of 24 hours…no problem.

How long are we going to let it go on? You aren’t ready to get to know someone…no matter WHERE in the world they are, then don’t. Cause a plane ticket ain’t that serious. You’re working on yourself so that you can personally give attention to someone then do it! Do you…be you then be the person someone would WANT. You’re a self proclaimed Eunch…then be one! Stop hanging out with the opposite sex.

Can you change after being hurt or jaded? Can you adjust your personality to get closer to someone you think you can make happy till the end of this system? DO IT… Reinvent yourself! Change YOU not them…they need to change themselves!

• Newly divorced, Seasonally divorced, Seasonally single: There is a barrier of sorts yea? Do you tell your friend look “You’re being outright flirty and you need to tone it down cause you don’t want him or her?” Doing so could put you in the light of “Oh you’re just jealous because he/she likes me better than you.” Don’t want to hurt your friends feelings by saying so? You’re no friend if you don’t.

Who has the know-how to get it right? What is the protocol for the above ^^

Meet, greet, flirt within reason…and for heavens sake: If they’re flirting with your friend and YOU what kind of friend are you to NOT TELL YOUR FRIEND? Stop the hurt in its tracks!

I digress…

C.C. Ferguson — Coming into Focus: The Reinvention of Self — 2012 Look for it!