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Know Me…

The reinvention of self doesn’t happen when you hate the person you are. And how can you reinvent someone you don’t know? My strength was needed. My strength was always there sustaining me. But my full strength was blocked by meaningless thoughts that were at odds with my emotions; toxic emotions that had hijacked my mind, my heart, my soul. What was created was a person who had control, who taunted me, a person I didn’t know, a person I didn’t want to know. Helpless, I was pushed into a black hole, an abyss… an abyss of my mind; a shroud of darkness engulfing my mind. Who would let me out? When will I see light?

 

Stepping out of the darkness into the sun, my world has opened up and let the sun shine upon a new me. A new side of me; the “me” YOU want to know. Having faced fear, endured it…conquered it; the torturing of my soul has ended.  My spirit is free and I no longer walk aimlessly, unable to escape my thoughts and feelings that infected every part of me.

 

My eyes have a story they wish to tell.

Don’t let one word go unheard

Will you listen?

 

Some are saying to themselves “Who is she and what did she do with my friend”? I was surrounded by friends who never really knew me. They thought they did. My insecurities, my innermost thoughts, truest desires, aspirations, goals; they didn’t know those things. How could they when I didn’t know them either? Like open doors you were led to an empty shell destined to be truly unknown; lost, too numb to feel… no desire to feel; dead inside.

 

Where is she you asked? Oh… I packed her bags and told her to get ghost!

 

I was insecure. I wanted to feel loved and supported, but on the other hand I felt threatened and somehow vulnerable when surrounded by those who would love and support me. But I was holding on to love that was lost. Holding on to a love that would not exist again; feeling that I could only be safe if I were in love. Now I have forgotten the past love that would have never lasted. I’m no longer blinded by love unfulfilled. I have new love to give. The glow from my heart yearns to embrace so I’ll let my heart take that chance. I can’t continue to be afraid if I really want love. Love from friends, family, myself.

 

This, this is the moment I have prayed for: To love myself, to know my worth, to remember joy, to be filled with so much love to give.

 

Open your arms and embrace the “Me” you always wanted to know.

 

I have no fear. I am confident and I have strength of stature. I can be your security, your confidant. You can tell ME any and everything. This is me…this is who I’ve always been. I can be with you every step of the way if you want to know me.

 

You want to “Know Me”

 

Don’t you?!

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About candilish79

I am a 31 year old novice writer. My writing is filled with emotion, pain, turmoil, conquering and overcoming the daily strains that life throws at us. I relate to you my own experiences and others have related their experiences on how they have handled difficult times in their life. My goal is working to finish my first book that has been allowing me to "Reinvent Myself"

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